Recalling Conditions

What is There to be Proud of?

2009-07-04T08:55:00.000-07:00

My life up until the start of this year has been a lie.
I've lied to friends and I'm still lying to my family.
I don't lie in public anymore.
With friends and the general public that knows me, I'm a constantly ecstatic queer kid.
With those I am related to, I'm just a straight boy who has no business with his family.
I live two lives, severely divided.
So, a liar is what I am.

What do I have to be proud of?
I have no skills, no knowledge.
I have no ability.
I have no form of artistic expression.
I have no real accomplishments.
So, wasted potential is what I am.

What was the point of writing this?
Did I expect those truths listed to become false?
Did I expect I would suddenly have something to pride myself in?
Did I expect someone would come in here and try to tell me all of this otherwise?
No.
That would make me an ignorant hopeful.
I just felt this needed to be documented in the hopes of finding something I can be satisfied with about myself in the future.

But what is a queer liar who lives two lives, set apart, with no particular abilities supposed to be satisfied in himself with?

What a Double-sided Blade

2009-06-25T20:06:00.000-07:00

First off, I'm still in shock the King of Pop has passed.
I have been watching from announcement of his cardiac arrest to this very moment on CNN the coverage of his death.
This is coupled with the death of Farrah Fawcett from cancer earlier today.
It's a very dark day for the world of entertainment.
Rest in Peace to the both of them.
The Fall of a King and Angel.

Monday, the Stonewall riots will be having it's 40th anniversary.

"The White House plans an East Room reception on Monday for gay and lesbian advocates to commemorate the 40th anniversary of the Greenwich Village demonstrations at the Stonewall Tavern in New York City. The demonstrations are viewed as the start of the modern gay rights movement.

“Unless the president on Monday articulates a strong action plan, and is willing to do it with cameras rolling, it is going to go from bad to worse,” said Socarides, the Clinton adviser."
-[Article here http://spedr.com/46hlb]

I whole-heartedly agree with that statement.
President Obama, please live up to your promises.
All we homosexuals want is equal opportunity.
The principle the United States of America was based upon.

I have to reapply at Pizza Hut a few times it seems.
I meet an amazing boy tomorrow.
One that can feel mutual feelings.
I had another dream with that other boy..won't his image just go down to the friendship I want in my brain?
Boys.

The Weekend Falls

2009-06-21T06:34:00.000-07:00

Friday, I read an interesting blog called The Gay-Atheist.
I read a few entries back and found this interesting book called Baby BeBop by Francesca Lia Block.
"The book tells the story of a gay teen who is struggling with his sexuality and is attacked by a homophobic gang."- [http://spedr.com/2z0bm for the rest..there's a Christian group trying to publicly burn the book.]
Barnes & Noble in Market Heights better have this.
While on the LGBT topic..
Another thing I found on The Gay-Atheist blog.

I was left impressed.

Janelle, Shatasha and I went on a walk.

Shatasha and I like sunflowers in a movie.
We continue our walk, having lulz along the way.
Talk about the boys in the place.
It was such a good time.

I was that elated.

Did Cheddar's for Cassie's birthday.
Our waiter was fiiine.
The other waiters were fiiine.
I don't mean they did just a good job serving us.
We ate cake.

And Cassie's cell phone camera is fail.
My mother didn't pick me up for about half an hour after everyone left.

My mother almost found out I wasn't straight.
That would be the death of me.

These Telly Celebrities and My Best Friend Jeordon

2009-06-18T16:48:00.000-07:00

Best friend Jeordon is updating his Twitter profile.
So far he's changed the background, deleted his picture by accident, got me to fix it and then continued to call me names via tweets.
The fag hag is just mad that I'm a better dyke on bike than he is.

In between the name calling and LGBT discussions, Jeordon brings up random famous people.
I know little to nothing about most of them and I should probably get to learning.
Most of the time they are artists but he also touches upon photographers such as Cindy Sherman, political figures and famous people in queer culture.
The rest is telly trash.

This is fried chicken, and I'm eating it now.

Enjoy your dinner folks.

In the Middle of Summer

2009-06-17T22:00:00.000-07:00

School has ended and job hunting has started. The difficulty of finding a first job is greater than I thought it would be, but I must master the art in order to survive on my own. The search would be a lot easier if I was a legal adult, seeing as all the employers in this town are looking for someone of age.

I'll get there some day.

In the meantime, other people's houses have become my home.
There is far too much family at my house for my taste.
I'm hoping to start my own sort of vlog thing going.
Just to see if it would work out, but I don't know..I'm pretty fail at recording motion picture.

I've been sleeping during the day. Nothing I'm used to nor enjoy. However, night is the only time of day for a dreamer.
I held hands with a boy and broke my computer screen in my last dream.
Same boy.

How bittersweet.